Instead of getting on the defensive side, get curious about what your feelings triggered for them - without getting triggered yourself. 

Ever get frustrated with your partner? 

Maybe they haven’t acknowledged that you are the only one who ever does the food shopping - and so you feel under-appreciated. 

So while I know that pain is necessary and we can’t really avoid that part of it, we can learn to communicate better, which will help ease the pain - or at least not prolong it. 

Boredom. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that most people try to resist or distract themselves from feeling. But what if boredom was actually an opportunity to lean in and get curious?

A client of mine, let’s call her Lena, is always the driver. Her husband is always in the passenger seat when they are in the car together. They’ve learned over time that Lena’s anxiety is managed best this way, and it prevents them from getting into fights. 

We don’t often sit down and talk about ways it can work better, how we can be a better team. It’s often easier to point the finger outward rather than asking ourselves what we can do better. 

In-laws are tricky relationships. And, they can become more tricky because we usually don’t talk about the relationship dynamics directly. Instead, we smile politely while clenching our jaw, clenching our insides, and playing “nice” when the last thing we feel inside is nice. 

You feel like something is missing. It's’ never just one thing and it’s never just one person. It could be friends who have moved away or friendships that changed through covid, plus not connecting with your spouse and feeling stressed about work.