He should take better care of himself…
A client who’s having a very tough time in her 25+ year marriage was so sad that on a recent holiday away with friends she noticed how poorly her husband was taking care of himself, smoking, drinking too much, and not engaging in the group activities.
Her response was to take better care of herself, so she didn’t miss out on the fun. But she still mused over the fact that if he took better care of himself, they’d have less conflict in their marriage.
The number of times I’ve heard a client say this about their spouse is incredible. And it’s pretty true.
I know it in myself: when I don’t pay attention to getting enough sleep, for example, I’m grinding gears with everyone and everything. I’m a better partner and human when I take better care of myself.
Another client recently told me one thing she really liked about her boyfriend was that he was committed to not getting a dad bod. He wanted to stay healthy and limber to be able to run around with his kid. She found that sexy - not only his attitude, but also his body.
I would argue that while a sexy bod is appealing, it’s the motivation behind the muscles that’s the real turn on ;)
With the multitude of obligations you likely have on your plate, it’s easy for self care to take a back seat. But it helps to remember my client’s boyfriend who seemed to have external motivation, his young son, to pay attention to self care.
What kind of motivation can you find for your own self care?
Knowing that you’ll feel better and perform better at work, that you’ll be healthier for your kids or family, or that you’ll feel sexy and be sexier for your partner? Maybe all of the above?!
In case you need some ideas, here are a few of my non-negotiable self-care habits that help me show up as a better partner, mom, therapist, and human:
- good sleep
- some form of movement during the day
- no alcohol Sunday through Thursday
- getting off my phone/laptop before 9:30pm
- reflecting on all the things that happened that day that I’m grateful for
What are yours?
Consider this your nudge to be a better example of self care in your own relationship.
And if you’re struggling in any way with it, or if you’re silently (or not so silently) seething at your partner for how they are not taking care of themselves, it might be time to get some support.
Join me on August 17th for a group coaching session. Bring your frustrations, your relationship questions, and a willingness to learn some simple communication tools that could make huge shifts in how you take care of yourself and relate to your partner.
See you there!
Andrea