Why Every Relationship Needs a “Leader”

“I know I’m going to mess this up one way or another…”

“What does organic even mean?!”

Husband gets sent to grocery store, confusion ensues:

When your partner comes home with the NON-organic strawberries after you specifically asked for the organic ones, how do you react? 

An audible sigh, an eye roll, a loud questioning rant… ? 

(and if strawberries aren’t your thing, substitute that with basically anything you’re requesting from your partner.)

It’s easy to get frustrated in moments when you ask for support but don’t get exactly what you need - or when something doesn’t get done in exactly the way you would do it yourself. 

But here’s the slightly annoying truth - 

In every situation, someone has to take leadership in the relationship. 

Taking leadership doesn’t mean doing everything yourself, though. It means being the one to take the high road by not jumping down your partner’s throat when the non-organic strawberries roll into the fridge. It means learning how to communicate in a way that will breed more understanding rather than resentment and disconnection. It means owning that you are the leader of the family. 

While taking on leadership might first seem like a burden - i.e. “Why do I always have to be the one to XYZ?!” - the reality is that it can inspire more leadership and responsibility from all parties. Your partner (and kids if you have them) will see the leadership being modeled and it can inspire them to be their own CEOs, too. If we make it look like a resentful job, of course no one would want to take that on. 

Now, I’m not going to lie - it’s hard freaking work. But it does pay off. When you recognize that you’re doing something for yourself and your relationship, you start to see the benefits. 

One way to make it easier and not get stuck in a resentment loop as the leader is to start giving yourself shout outs. 

(And I highly recommend you practice this as part of your non-official homework from me!)

What does a shout out look like? 

It’s giving yourself credit for something, out loud, with witnesses who benefit from it. 

Here’s an example you could use, maybe at the dinner table: 

“I just want to say that I’m proud of myself for getting all of our summer plans set already! Who else is excited about that?” [And after some responses…] “And what would you like to be celebrated for?”

Acknowledging yourself creates a culture of abundance. Your spouse/kids will begin to appreciate you more, and learn how to appreciate themselves. 

You get to lead by example rather than telling people what to do, and maybe you also get to have your organic strawberries and eat them, too ;)

I’d love to hear how this lands for you -

Have you ever thought of yourself as the leader in your relationship? 

And have you ever acknowledged yourself for all that you do? 

Comment below - I’d love to hear your take on this! 

In support,

Andrea