The real third wheel in your relationship
How many times have you asked your partner to get off their phone?
Or felt annoyed that they are scrolling through Instagram under the table?
Or rolled your eyes as they play Block Blast, not hearing a word you just said?
When it comes to phone screen time, everyone is annoyed. I say this as a married woman with two teenage kids, and I say this as a therapist with a full practice. Whether it’s a conscious or unconscious addiction to their phones, it’s affecting men and women equally.
Last week, I had the pleasure and privilege of being outside for almost a whole week skiing without much access to my phone.
The digital detox was GLORIOUS.
And upon my return, rather than stealing an extra 10 minutes to connect with Chris before the kids got home, I felt myself pulled to play…. Block Blast. And then, I proceeded to get a dopamine headache from it.
All this got me thinking -
Our phones and the apps on them are like third wheels in the relationship – or maybe more accurately, affairs.
Who are you having an affair with? Is it Reddit? Instagram? TikTok? Netflix?
While we can put limits on screen time in creative ways, these devices are more powerful than we are. And they will steal our attention and create rifts in our relationships if we aren’t careful.
Here are a few creative ways to help ease the pull of our phones - and feel free to hit reply to tell me your tricks!
With your partner and family, come up with a phrase you can use to let each other know when you are zoning out… i.e., “Earth to Andrea?!”
At mealtime, have everyone put their phone away in a drawer
When out to dinner, have everyone put their phone in the center of the table. The first person who picks it up pays for the group meal!
And because we usually can’t completely avoid media consumption, you can also begin to view what you’re watching with a critical eye.
Over the next 4 weeks I’m going to feature different forms of media and the models of communication they are giving us, whether good or bad. We’ll break down the do’s and don’ts to help you feel more empowered and connected in your everyday relationships.
Stay tuned for more!
