the power of asking

Recently, I watched (and loved!) the Netflix show Nobody Wants This with my teenage daughter and her friend. While the subject matter felt mature, and some scenes might have been a bit beyond their age group, I was okay with them watching.

Here’s why:

I believe Nobody Wants This beautifully captures vulnerability and the courage it takes to have hard conversations in relationships. It shows what true intimacy can look like—what it should look like. And the truth is we need more examples of what real vulnerability sounds like in everyday interactions.

Here’s one example:

I’m a big believer in asking questions—especially when something feels even slightly off in a conversation. But here’s the key: instead of asking, “What are you feeling?” (which is often too vulnerable to answer), I ask, “What are you thinking about?”

It’s a simple shift, but it can open up so much.

When I ask this question, I’ve heard responses ranging from:

“Nothing.”
“I’m thinking about something I saw on TikTok.”
“I was replaying our interaction from this morning and how uncomfortable it felt.”

…and everything in between.

Another question that deepens intimacy?

"Hey, something feels off between us. Do you feel that too? What do you think is going on?"

This is the adult version of “Are you mad at me?” from middle school—but with more awareness and responsibility. Instead of ignoring tension, it acknowledges that something feels off and creates space for conversation.

This small act—noticing, asking, and sharing—can shift the dynamics of a relationship and build deeper trust.

Want to see this in action?