Ebbs and flows in your relationship part 1

The tide comes in. The tide goes out. You inhale. You exhale. The sun rises. The sun sets. Expansion. Contraction.
 
Relationships also have a rhythm. You feel close and connected and then distant and alone. This is the rhythm of life, yet most of us resist the rhythm.
 
If you are married, think about your wedding and honeymoon and how full of love you felt. Then think about the week after the wedding festivities and how sad and disappointed you felt when it was all over. Expansion and then contraction.
 
A million years ago, (2001), I did the 9-week Bikram yoga training, with Bikram himself. And while it was an incredible experience that changed my life forever, the thing I can remember that crazy man saying in the middle of class was that he got excited when things were not going well because he knew that soon they would be getting better. The up and down, the up and down… He was speaking to this rhythm, and although at the time I didn't understand the full meaning, it stuck with me.
 
Recently I gave a couple I work with the homework assignment to name when they felt the tide was in and when the tide was out in their relationship. In other words, when they felt close and connected and when they felt disconnected and alone. Not to judge either state, but to notice and name.
 
They reported back that they had each named it when they felt the tide in and how the naming of it felt really good and cozy. They haven't yet had to name when the tide goes out, but I will hypothesize that when they do, it will be less painful for both of them and then the tide will come back in more quickly.
 
In order to name the rhythm of the tide in your relationship, you need to practice vulnerability and bravery. Like anything else, this is a practice and I invite you to get started right now.
 
Take a moment and check in with yourself and the state of your relationship:
 

Is the tide in? Are you feeling connected with your partner?
 
Or is the tide out? Are you feeling more lonely and disconnected?
 
Maybe it’s on its way in one direction or another.

 
Whatever it is, I highly highly encourage you to have a conversation with your partner and talk about where each of you feel the tide currently is. You could even share this email with them if it helps ;)
 
Then, take note of the current tides in your calendar because I’m going to check back in a couple of weeks to see if anything has shifted. A simple exercise in awareness can go a long way!