anxiety in disguise

The kids' movie Inside Out 2 is one every adult should see. Why? Because it brilliantly personalizes Anxiety—giving it a voice, a personality, and a whole lot of influence.

There’s a powerful scene where Anxiety’s swirling thoughts overwhelm Riley, demonstrating what an anxiety attack looks and feels like. It’s chaotic, overwhelming, and honestly... way too real.

 

That moment stuck with me because it’s such a powerful reminder of what happens in relationships when anxiety takes over.

When we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to act out, shut down, or snap at our partner. 

So many couples fight because one partner is anxious, but instead of naming that anxiety, it shows up as controlling behavior, criticism, or nitpicking.

For example:

  • The person who’s anxious about missing a flight may start snapping at their partner to hurry up.

  • The person stressed about hosting holiday dinner might become critical about how the table is set.

  • The partner overwhelmed by wedding planning may suddenly seem irritable and short-tempered.

  • The partner who is scared in the passenger seat may start backseat driving, and shout “slow down!” 

The anxiety is real—but it often gets disguised as something else.

So often what happens is a trade off of snappy comments or even shouting: 

“Slow down!”

“Well why don’t you drive then!” 

“Four eyes are better than two!”

“Gahhh!”

But here’s the thing: when you catch it, it stops. 

Rather than letting the anxiety spiral into a fight, one of you can pause at any point and say something like, “Hey you seem really anxious - are you ok?” 

Or the person who’s most anxious can call it out: “Hey I’m sorry I snapped. I’m just really anxious about the upcoming party.”

Just like in the movie clip I shared above, the character Joy replaced Riley’s anxious thoughts with a more loving thought that helped to completely shift the tone. 

Because when you can say, “I feel anxious” instead of acting out… 

And when your partner can hear you without judgment…

That’s when connection deepens, intimacy grows, and real change becomes possible.

You got this!

 
 
 
Andrea Dindinger