Men don’t cry?

My very open, loving, sensitive, and conscious husband said to me the other day that he can’t believe it, but he has internalized the masculine stereotype that men are not allowed to cry and that he is actually afraid to cry. 

This is a common sentiment from so many of my male clients as well. When there’s no permission to cry or have other feelings, men often turn to and overuse the only emotion available to them: anger. 

As I talked about a couple of weeks ago, what’s really underneath anger is a feeling of powerlessness, which is the uncomfortable feeling that you’re trying to cover up by discharging anger in an unhealthy way. 

If you notice yourself getting angry with your spouse or partner, could you take a moment to breathe and be with your own emotions BEFORE you start to yell? 

And if you are a man or are in a relationship with one, could you give yourself or them permission to feel the feelings beneath the anger: the powerlessness, the fear, the grief, the sadness? Reinforce that it’s ok to cry. 

And listen, I get it - FEELING in itself is a scary thing. But more often than not, the more we lean into these feelings, the more survivable they become, the more comfortable we become. 

Feelings are never going to be logical. They are a sensation that comes with an emotion that has a chemical response in our bodies. And it’s a good thing to feel them! 

If you’re game to explore what feeling can bring, be sure to click through for my list of healthy ways to manage anger - and let me know how it lands for you! 

Yours in the feelings,
Andrea