How to Ask for What You Want

Mom: [prepares breakfast and gives it to kids]

Daughter:  “You buttered the wrong side of the bread!!!”

Mom: rolls her eyes with a smile, “of course I did?!?”

While not all of us might have the pleasure ;) of having children, all of us have had parents or caregivers who may or may not have met our needs in one way or another. 

Plenty of people can’t stand their mothers, fathers, or caregivers, and I want to remind you that that’s ok. Frustrations, angst, grief, you name it… our relationships with our parents are often complicated - and often color the dynamics of our romantic relationships. 

I remember yelling at my own mother “I hate you!” to which she replied very casually, “yea, I’m not too fond of you either.” This is one of the things I love most about her. She never takes my moods personally and knows they’re just a reflection of how I’m feeling inside. The other stellar thing she taught me by not shaming me: how to ask for what I want. 

See, most of us were shamed when we asked for the ice cream after we had just been treated to going to the movies. Most mothers wanted their children to hold the boundaries and be “respectful” and not ask for another pair of jeans after we’d just gotten a new pair of shorts. How often was the phrase heard, “you’ve already asked for too much, I’m not made of money!” 

My mom said no plenty of times, but she never made me feel bad for asking. Sometimes it was a yes and other times it was a No, but I had the feeling that she really liked and loved me and would do what she could, if she could. She’d drive me and 10 (yes 10) of my friends to and from dances, movies, she’d take us to teepee our crushes houses. 🤫 And didn’t ever make me feel like I was a burden. I credit her for helping instill in me the ease I feel to ask. 

Inspired by my mother’s approach, let this be a reminder for all of us that it's ok to ask for things. 

Whether the answer is yes or no, let’s normalize the question. When you do, you not only develop a new relationship with your own ability to ask and receive, but you get to model it for your partner and any children you might have. 

Here’s your homework: ask for what you want – and be specific! 

I’d love to hear how it goes :)