When your spouse gets laid off - 5 things to do
It seems like everyone either knows someone who’s been laid off recently, or they’ve experienced it themselves. And if you didn’t personally experience a layoff, you are likely affected in other ways by the overall stressful wave of layoffs.
One thing I’ve noticed with my therapy clients and my friends is that the layoffs can have two very different effects -
For some, it’s almost forcing the couple to come together and reunite as a team, each making different sacrifices.
In other cases, I hear about people hating their spouse and hating to have to make certain sacrifices.
Whichever boat you may land in, this article is for you, in hopes that it can provide a bit of relief and tangible steps to moving through the transition with as much grace, love, and communication as possible.
Here are 5 things you can do when you or your spouse gets laid off:
(But you don’t have to wait to get laid off to put these into practice!)
Stay in communication with Weekly Team Meetings - Get a regular slot in the calendar where you and your honey can be together without devices or distractions, while you handle some practical planning and strategizing. This tool is one I personally practice all the time and highly recommend to all my clients. Click here to read more about it and how to implement it.
Evaluate your expenses and financial reality - Take the time (maybe even during a Team Meeting) to go through bank statements and see which expenses might not be necessary for the time being. Look ahead to future expenses and other resources. Focus on keeping the lights on for now!
Keep your connection and friendship with each other strong - While this might seem low on the priority list, I assure you it’s not! The more you can love each other and remind each other of the good parts of being together, the easier it will all be to navigate. Plus there are plenty of simple ways to make time for the cheap thrills - i.e. at-home dance parties, watching your favorite (funny) movies together, playing games with the whole family, walking your dog together, etc.)
Trade presents for presence - With the upcoming holiday season, plan for a Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or other holiday focused on playing together and connecting rather than spending and overdoing presents. If you make agreements ahead of time, it reduces the stress and overspending.
Be responsible for your own self regulation - While plenty of circumstances are way out of your control, there are two things you potentially have the ability to regulate: your mood and your attitude. It’s not that you should pretend to be in a good mood if you’re not, but it’s about naming it and make a choice - i.e. “I can tell that I’m not feeling great and might need to take some space” or “I’m really scared and I just need you to know that. I know we’ll get through it but right now I’m scared.” Instead of trying to distract yourself by shopping online or drinking wine, which can create further chaos, try opening up and talking to each other.
I recognize that there can be a lot of hurt, shame, and embarrassment wrapped up in a layoff situation. Try to be gentle with yourself and with each other and reach out if you’d like some support!
I have a couple of slots open for couples coaching, as well as a waitlist forming for my next group course. Just shoot me an email if you’re curious about either!
And of course -
Feel free to share this with a couple you know who recently experienced a layoff.