Spending Valentine’s alone? Read this

While so much of my coaching and writing revolves around relationships and how to make the most of your communication and connection, it’s also important to acknowledge that a huge part of relationships is the one with yourself. 

Whether you’re single and have been for a while, are in the process of getting divorced, or are in that first year or so post-divorce, this one’s for you. (And it’s also for those of you who are still coupled up but might be spending this love-focused holiday alone because of work or travel schedules or by choice!)

First things first, don’t panic! Being “alone” can be reframed as having more access to your personal space, freedom, creativity, desires… you name it.

I’d love to share a 3-part process you can try out on Valentine’s Day or any day when you want to boost your personal love connection:

1. Calling in the Love meditation:

Sit quietly and focus on the inhales and exhales of your breath for a few rounds. Then recall and silently name to yourself all the people who love you and have loved you: whether they are alive or dead, whether you are in contact with them or not, whether they outwardly said “I love you” or not, whether there is or was dysfunction. Your ex(es) should be on that list since you once loved each other, and I would bet that there is still love there underneath all the hurt, anger, and frustration. 

During this meditation, you are consciously filling your heart up with love. You might find a few days later, as you are doing the dishes or putting on your shoes, that you remember that first-grade teacher who was so kind to you, and it ignites a little burst of love juice in your heart. All that love for you still exists in the world for you; your job is to remember to access it in your heart.

2. Get creative:

After you have done this meditation, your heart will be full and ready for you to connect to your creativity. Take out a sheet of paper and write on the paper 10 things about yourself that you like, love, appreciate, and maybe even adore. Think of specific things like, “I love that I am good in bed,” or “I make delicious pancakes.” Be creative, and again, you can think of this as a way to actively fill your heart with love. When the criticism comes, as it always does, just set it aside and refocus on the things about yourself that you love. More specifically, if that negative mean voice comes in to sabotage this task, politely tell that voice that they are welcome back at another time and, for now, to please be silent.

3. Throw yourself a dance party:

Let your body move to all the different songs that come up on shuffle wherever you access your music. Slow dances, fast dances, any kind of song is welcome. The point is to get your body and energy moving instead of sitting on the couch feeling stuck, scared, and miserable; move that energy through your body.  Music has memories, so dance through those memories! And remind yourself that feelings are always changing - you will not always feel the way you do now. (If you need some dance inspiration, check out my friend Jess Grippo’s “I love me” playlist and free dance prompt resource here!)

All of these exercises are designed to boost your serotonin and dopamine levels (aka your feel-good hormones) and lower your anxiety.

Plus, they will strengthen your ability to know and ask for what you want so that when the time comes to share this day with a partner, you’ll be ready :) 

All my love,
Andrea