I’ve been hearing stories of people feeling overwhelmed by holiday finances. Parents telling their kids it’ll be a "lighter Christmas." Couples arguing because one spouse isn’t looking at the finances in the same way. All this tension gets heightened during a season that bombards us with marketing messages to buy more, give more, and spend more. From coordinating matching family pajamas to booking dream vacations or buying gifts for everyone under the sun, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the pressure.

My colleague Susan recently shared an article that really resonated with me, about the emotional triggers behind our financial decisions. She highlights how overspending often stems from our desires for comfort, validation, or love. During the holidays, these emotional drivers can intensify, leading many to live well beyond their means and rack up debts that feel insurmountable.

Generosity is beautiful, but is it true generosity if you can’t afford it? Would it feel just as meaningful to send teachers a heartfelt card instead of another candle they may not need? Could you embrace simplicity without feeling like you’re compromising on joy?

Money mindset questions for you and your partner

If you’re experiencing stress around money this holiday season, it’s time to talk with your partner. Open, honest communication can diffuse tension and bring you closer. You might say:

“I’m worried about overspending if we shop separately. Can we plan together instead?”

“Let’s agree to get each other just one or two presents this year and leave it at that.”

“What if we all write notes of appreciation to each other as part of our gift-giving tradition?”

Here are a few specific questions you can ask yourself and consider with your partner as you plan for your holiday purchases:

1. Is this a want or a need?

2. What happens if we don’t buy this? What happens if we do?

3. What are we trying to solve for?

For example, if you’re considering a trip, ask: Are we trying to escape and relax? Could the financial stress of a trip undo the relaxation? What about an intentional staycation instead?

4. Does this align with our ethical values, or does it cause harm?

5. Is this driven by greed, fear, or mindfulness?

These questions aren’t about judging your spending but about understanding your motivations and finding alignment in your decisions.

Remember - giving should feel good and be done without expecting anything in return. True generosity doesn’t need to be extravagant; it can be as simple as a handwritten note or a thoughtful gesture. 

I like to remind myself of Buddhist teachings, which often emphasize mindfulness and ethical conduct in all aspects of life, including how we earn, save, and spend money. These teachings remind us of the impermanent nature of everything, encouraging us to spend with purpose and intention. By focusing on spending that supports your health, relationships, and wellbeing, you can cultivate a sense of peace and balance, even during a season of abundance.

So, consider avoiding the financial hangover this year by simplifying your spending and communicating openly with your partner. 

After all, true holiday magic doesn’t come from the things you buy; it comes from the moments you share!

To your connection this holiday season and always,