Since my last newsletter topic went a bit heavy on the subject of divorce, I thought I’d cover something much lighter and even a bit mundane this time: chores. 

If you’re living with your spouse or long-term partner, chances are you have figured out a way to negotiate chores around the house. Chances are also that some of the chores or the delegation of them can cause arguments or friction between the two of you. 

I wanted to share a few simple rules to make splitting chores easier: 

1. It’s not going to be equal - and that’s ok. The number one mistake couples make when thinking about splitting chores is that it’s going to be equal. It’s never exactly equal; each partner will be doing a bit more than the other from time to time. But shifting from an equality mindset to one that focuses on balance and compromise will help make chores and splitting the responsibilities easier.

2. Expand your view beyond just physical house tasks. As you make a list of the daily, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and yearly chores, use an expanded definition of what constitutes a chore. Some chores that are often not seen as chores are holiday shopping, planning vacations and parties, paying bills, doing taxes, going grocery shopping, and meal planning. When you can see all of the tangible and invisible tasks that need to be done, taking out the trash might seem like the easiest chore in the world. The mistake here is thinking that the chores are limited to cleaning items and missing all the invisible work that comes from planning.

3. Pick the chores that you like doing. Once you have a clear idea of the chores, see who likes to do what. It’s no surprise that chores are easier when you actually enjoy them!

4. …but recognize that there will be some that no one likes to do. Being an adult often means doing things you don't enjoy doing, and it also means that it is perfectly okay for someone not to want to do a chore and still expect them to do it anyway. If there are tasks on the list that both of you really hate, consider alternating the responsibility or hiring someone to help. 

5. Don’t expect your partner to value the same chores. The expectation that both parties will have the same interest or value in various chores, i.e., vacations, cleanliness, or pre-planning, is one of the huge mistakes couples make when dealing with splitting up chores. You don’t need to share the same urgency about the dishwasher being unloaded, but you do need to agree on who is responsible for unloading the dishwasher and when. 

How do you and your partner handle chores? Hit reply - I’d love to hear! 

To getting it done,