Has your partner - or friend, or job, or kid - ever done something that makes you SO angry? 

And if so, what do you do with it? Do you try to ignore the feeling and keep moving on with life? 

It’s a fact that things and people will irk us, but it’s how we choose to respond that will make all the difference. 

In romantic relationships in particular, which is what we’re here to talk about, the festering anger or frustration is very likely to be aimed at your partner in conscious or unconscious ways if it’s not addressed.

Today I wanted to share a simple yet life-changing tool to help you navigate what irks you in a way that won’t destroy your relationship. 

You ready for it??

It’s called the Anxiety Dump. (But no, it doesn’t involve extended trips to the bathroom!)

It’s a process by which you dump out your frustrations to a trusted person, someone who isn’t directly involved in this issue, who won’t judge or try to give advice, and who preferably isn’t your partner! 

In dumping out some of the difficult and hot emotions, you gain a sense of peace and a calmer perspective. The problem suddenly doesn’t seem as big. You can find a sense of humor in it, even, and allow yourself to talk to your partner in an easier, more relaxed way. 

Here’s how to work The Anxiety Dump: 

• Identify 1 trusted friend with whom you can share each other’s most vulnerable thoughts and stories, separate from your partners

• Set up ground rules with this friend - 

  • No advice given, No judgment, Acknowledge that every relationship has its path and struggles (if you tell your friend what to do, you run the risk of them blaming you in the future!) 

• Choose a method of communication: leaving voicemails, sharing voice memos on WhatsApp or Voxer, for example. (My personal preference is Whatsapp voice memos!)

• Practice dumping out all the toxic thoughts and stories in a voice mail to this trusted friend. You have permission to laugh, cry, scream, etc!

• Practice receiving your friend’s dump with a open listening heart 

• Repeat and receive as needed!

Getting these feelings out is important, otherwise they get stuck inside. Even if you say it outloud in the kitchen with no one to hear - it’s better than nothing! Handwriting on paper is also a way of processing through the thoughts and feelings you’re going through. But there is something about having a witness that I believe makes it less lonely and more effective, which is why I highly recommend The Anxiety Dump method. Plus, it’s a wonderful way to stay connected to a friend throughout our busy lives. 

A note on your partner - 

Now, In some cases, if you don’t currently have an available close friend to share this with, it can be your partner. But if so, the same rules apply: no advice, no judgment. Ask your partner to leave you a message and vent around the anxieties that are coming up. It can give you greater insight into your partner and what they are managing. It sheds the stress. It makes it harder when you don’t talk about it. 

And let’s be real - it can be hard to get vulnerable and share so openly! Some people have a real difficult time doing it because it takes a lot of trust in the other person - that they aren’t going to think you’re crazy or judge your marriage etc. Be gentle with yourself in this process. 

So your homework, should you choose to accept the assignment, is to find an anxiety dump partner and try this process out! 

As I teach in my Relationship Revival Course, vulnerability and connection are truly the solution to most of what ails us in our relationships. I’d love to support you in a more authentic connection in YOUR relationship! 

To your connection, 

Andrea

Feedback like this is exactly why I created my 4 week course and exactly why I’m running it again soon! We all deserve to feel less edgy, less lonely, and more joyful in our relationships and in life. If you’re curious about joining us, click here to get on the waitlist!